Greetings, My Friends
According to American writer Alvin Toffler, “The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn and relearn.”
Many of us have things we do that have become an automatic habit. We may have habits we learned from our parents, family members, or someone in our life that were an influence on how we believe, act, and respond to life.
Have you ever questioned why you hold the beliefs you do?
Have you ever questioned why you have the habits you have?
How many times when asked why you do something a certain way, you respond with “I don’t know,” or “that’s how my Mother/Father did it,” or “that’s how I/we have always done it”, or “it is a tradition in my family.”
The Pot Roast Principle
A great story and example of this is “The Pot Roast Principle”. This is the way I heard this story and I have since found many versions of the story, though the true origin of the story is unknown.
A young bride was cooking her first dinner for her new husband. While she was preparing the roast, her husband walked into the kitchen. He watched as she cut off the ends of the pot roast, put it in the pan, and then into the oven. He was curious, so he asked why she cut off the ends of the roast. She said, “I don’t know, that’s what my mother always did.”
The next time they visited his bride’s parents, he asks his wife’s mother why she cut off the ends of a pot roast before cooking it. The mother said she didn’t really know; it is the way her mother cooked a roast.
So being even more curious, he called the grandmother and asked her why she cuts off the end of a pot roast before cooking it. The grandmother said, “My oven was so small and I only had one small pan to put the roast in and the roast never seemed to fit so I had to cut off the ends to get it into the pan.”
This is such a fun example of not always knowing the “why” of what we do or a habit we have always had, or why we have some of the beliefs we do.
For instance, from my own life, I have a certain way of cleaning; I have certain beliefs, I have certain mannerisms and habits that all came from what I learned from my parent’s beliefs and habits.
My birthday is coming up and my son asked me, “Mom, what would you say you have learned most in your soon-to-be 74 years?”
My answer:
“Son, I have learned that what I thought I knew, I don’t, and that I need to unlearn many outdated habits and relearn some new ones. All the knowledge about life that I have learned all these years is not always true and I need to be constantly learning, relearning, and updating my knowledge base just like our computers.”
There are many things I have already unlearned and relearned as I look back and assess my belief system. I have listed a few below.
Unlearning and Relearning
Unlearn – That happiness comes from others, the right job, the right relationship, having a big bank account, having a big house, having a big bold vehicle, having the “right” friends, or having the right body shape.
Relearn – Happiness comes strictly from within. To find happiness and peace one must stop rushing through life and relationships and truly get to know who we really are and what we really want in life. Then set about learning how to have and give ourselves the gift of being truly happy and learn and know how to live peacefully.
Unlearn – That what others think of you is important.
Relearn – What others think of you is actually none of your business. Others’ opinions are merely their perception of you…. A perception which is not complete, therefore their opinion is biased and most of the time their opinion of you is based on limited information. We are different with everyone we know and meet. If two people you know met for coffee and began talking about people they have in common your name came up. One describes you to the other, the other person may not have a clue who they are describing because to them that description does not fit.
Unlearn – If we don’t have a lot of money, big paychecks, or big bank accounts we are poor.
Relearn – While money is nice to have and the rich do get richer, money isn’t the end-all. If we acquire a lot of money and can buy pretty much whatever we want, it is still not the “everything” many of us were taught to believe. Money means nothing if our health is bad, when the death of a loved one happens, or when anything irreversible happens in our life. Learn just how much money you truly need to live a comfortable life. Everything else is a “want”, not a need. I have learned that I live a far more peaceful life with less “stuff and things,” having a smaller home to clean and keep up than when I had a big house filled with all kinds of “stuff and things” most of what I didn’t even use after the newness wore off and had to constantly find storage for, or clean and dust instead of enjoying my life doing the things I loved to do.
Unlearn – That being alone, without a mate/companion/significant other, is being lonely.
Relearn – Learning how to be alone with ourselves is one of the most important gifts to give ourselves. I have only learned this after my husband passed away. When one is comfortable being alone with oneself and finds their own happiness and inner peace, they can become a much better companion to another if they so wish to engage in another relationship or companionship. Most importantly, being alone does not equate to being lonely. When I found myself without my long-term spouse, I learned how to reinvent myself, and add to my life rather than wither away in loneliness and unhappy solitude.
Unlearn – Once we have secured a job, we need to stick with it whether we like it or not!
Relearn – Once we have secured a job and find we dislike the job, then we need to keep doing our best for the person/company that hired us while we continue to look for something that we enjoy. Many often do not really know themselves very well, what they want, what they truly enjoy, or what they may be really good at until we enter the workforce and give a few jobs a try. Even those who have always dreamed of being in a particular profession, once they enter that profession, many times, will find they do not want or enjoy that profession at all. Don’t be afraid to change. Do more research or work with a Career Coach to help zero in on those possibilities that may be a better fit.
There are so many of these examples of habits that I’ve unlearned and relearned. From time to time, I am going to talk about a few more. The most important thing to remember is that the majority of our life is a result of choices we make, and the habits we develop, and if we do not take the time to know who we truly are, then we run our lives like it is a crapshoot.
Be cognizant of all that you are doing and know the why of what you are choosing to do.
Change is the ever constant in life, embrace it and make change fun and adventurous.
Big Hugs to you.
Carolyn