“The Art of Gift Giving is the Art of Paying Attention and Asking Questions”

Greetings, my Friends,

It is that time of year and because things have lightened up a bit from 2020, getting together with loved ones and friends in person is now possible.

Now instead of ordering from a mail order company and having your gift delivered or just sending a gift card for ease of all involved, since you can even send a gift card through email, you may be bringing gifts with you when you visit.

Therefore, I ask, is gift giving a joy, a fun adventure or a stressful part of the holidays for you?

We were watching a Hallmark Christmas movie the other evening and in the movie the lead actress was visiting a family for Christmas that she did not know well. Since she would be staying from a few days before Christmas to the day after Christmas, she needed to have gifts for them on Christmas morning.

Making a long story short, her man of interest in the movie, noted to another person in the movie that this young woman paid attention to what each family member was interested in and got them a gift that fit those interests, such as sports tickets, movie tickets, a cooking appliance and so on.

This brought me straight into my subject.

When you are ready to start your Christmas shopping, how do you decide what gift to buy for who?

Are you a “Practical” giver?

Are you a “Fun or nonsensical” giver?

Are you a “Magical Experience” giver?

Are you a “Surprise” giver?

Are you an “Observant” giver

Are you an “I will give what I think would be a really great thing to have? giver?

Are you a “Give me a list that I can choose from,” giver?

Are you a “regifter”?

Are you a “Let’s spend a day together and play,” giver?

Or, do you just make it easy and buy gift cards?

When I made the decision to sell my home and move to another state, I also downsized completely. I gave away, donated and took things to the dump that broke my heart. However, these were used things and I would not have room for them where I was going, nor did I want to pay shipping on them.

I found myself saying to my loved ones and friends, “Please just spend time with me instead of buying stuff and things I may have to give away.”

I have jokingly said, “If I can’t eat it, wear it, or drink it, please put it back, take a photo and text me the photo.” In my heart, I truly mean it.

This is not rude. It saves us both, saves the giver money and saves me from guilt for having to give it away because I have no room for it.

Because of the intensity of having to “let go” of all of my “stuff and things,” I have given gift giving a completely different thought process. Even cards. I had to discard bags of cards I had saved through the years. If a card had a sentimental writing in it, I took a photo and put the photo into a file on my computer marked Memory Cards.

I have received more gifts than I can count that truly did not have me, personally in mind, who I was or what I wanted and I had to find a place to set them, hang them or display them somehow. However, I would graciously accept them, thanking the gift giver profusely for their thoughtfulness and kindness.

Gift cards became the saving grace for me, both receiving and giving. Still, I missed the personal side of giving and receiving a gift.

As my granddaughters are now older teens and adults, I ask for a list of things they like, sizes, colors and especially which stores are their favorite should I purchase a gift card.

I no longer choose something I think would be cute on them or would be fun to have. I want to gift them with something they actually have a place and space for. The same goes for my adult children.

As always, I did a bit of research on this subject and found there are many who ask the same questions;

How do I ask someone for a Christmas list?

• Don’t ask for a list… you make a list of what you need to know; then once a month ask them about one thing from your list in casual conversation and write it down.

What can I purchase for someone who has everything?

• Gift card to their favorite restaurant, a Gift card to their favorite bookstore, including Amazon, a gift card for their favorite bakery, if they imbibe, a gift card to a speciality wine or spirits store, and best of all, take them to dinner. Or treat them to an experience! 

Why isn’t it ok to ask for a Christmas list?

• It is! It is something many a giver is uncomfortable doing, and the receiver is uncomfortable giving, as they don’t know how expensive they should go. So making a list of “things to know” about someone and asking them throughout the year is easier and less overwhelming than asking them for a list. After all, we even ask our kids to make a list.  I can attest to the fact that it was so much easier when we received those huge Christmas catalogs and everyone went through them marking their favorite things.

If someone has asked for a non-gift Christmas, should I really comply?

• Yes! If you just have to purchase a gift for them, then ask what their favorite charity is and donate to the charity, giving your family member or friend a card saying that you donated to their favorite charity in their name.

 

Another somewhat complicated gift is sending a floral arrangement for Christmas. It is important to ask if you can send an arrangement for their Christmas table or buffet table, and especially ask what their holiday theme is going to be.

It is better to ask in case they already have an arrangement planned, or may not have room for a table arrangement or a high circular arrangement. It is easy to say, “I would like to send you a floral arrangement for Christmas. Would you like a vase arrangement or table arrangement, and are you using traditional holiday colors or have a speciality theme this year?”

When finances are restricted or someone is on a fixed income, it can put a strain on them to feel like they have to buy a gift. Have this conversation way before you hand them a gift you think they should have.

They may not be able to afford extra gift giving at this time and it will only make them feel bad. There have been times when a family member or friend will gift a very expensive gift and the receiver was just not financially able to reciprocate in kind.

Even when the receiver is told to not worry about it, that it isn’t the price of the gift, it does not ease the receiver’s embarrassment of not having the money to reciprocate.

Sometimes the best gift you can give someone on a fixed income is to take them out to dinner and spend some time with them. A gift card to their favorite grocery store or a gas card is also appreciated.

Gift giving is wonderful, meaningful and fun if it does not cause stress for the giver or receiver.

Ask yourself why you are giving someone a gift. If it is expected, that’s a whole other conversation. If it is to make you feel good, that’s ok; just make sure the receiver also feels good about receiving your gift. If it is to make the receiver feel good, then make sure it will.

When gift giving is a measurement of how much you care or love another, this raises a whole other emotional balance and conversation and may very well cause conflict and competition that is not good for anyone involved.

One way to find out what everyone in your household wants or hopes to receive at Christmas is to make a “Christmas Gift Board” or make a “Gift Giving board” that will work all year round.

Take a bulletin board and divide it into however many are on your list that you need gifts for and ask everyone to either pin pictures or notes of what they would like for a gift. This will also help other gift givers in the family.

Advice on Gift-Giving from My Son, Matt

I was talking about this blog with my son and asked him how he knows what to buy for gifts. The quote at the top of this blog is what he shared with me as part of how he feels and is good advice about gift giving.

He has some really good ideas and shared a few of which I have, with his permission, shared below.

• Carry a note in your wallet with sizes, style, colors, likes, hobbies and types of foods your loved ones like.
• Is giving your gift as a surprise the goal? Is the surprise actually that you purchased something they have talked about throughout the year? A surprise gift should be because you paid attention all year. If surprising someone with a gift is the goal, then you need to do some work.
• Best to ask the person you want to surprise if they like surprises, and what kind of surprises. Would they like a surprise vacation?
  • Maybe the person receiving this kind of surprise would want ample warning so they can get in better shape, be able to walk better, or maybe they don’t have enough vacation time from work, or have the clothes to wear, or have any one who can house sit or dog or cat sit. All are stressors.
• Asking a question a month no one will notice but 12 questions in November or December?  They will know you are digging for ideas!
• Take notes, have a notebook that is easy to carry, use the Notes App on your phone, use a Recording App on your phone, jot notes on a calendar.
  • This method works well for paying attention to anyone you may want to purchase a gift for, including clients/customers… when you leave a client’s office make a note of things of interest to bring up at your next meeting or conversation or to purchase a thank-you/birthday/Christmas gift.
  • One thing to be aware of, is a person showing interest and talking about subjects that are of interest to you. Make sure they are really interested in the actual subject and not just showing support for you.
• Please don’t wait until close to December to ask questions.
• The art of giving begins in January
• One way gift cards can be the best choice, is if the person you want to give a gift to, is interested in a hobby that you cannot purchase anything for because they have a hobby that requires them to have a registered account and you cannot get into the account. This is where a generic Visa gift card will come in handy.
• While some may prefer to use a notebook for gift giving ideas, I have Christmas 2021 in my iPhone Notes and in December I will add Christmas 2022 and begin making notes every month until I’m ready to shop.

What do many people really prefer for a gift? Your time. Time for a conversation, time for a dinner out with you. Time for us to go to the beach and wave walk. Time to talk memories and time to talk about future dreams.

I hope this gift giving conversation helps those who want to simplify their gift giving. I invite you to become a savvy gift giver and that every gift you give just blows away the receiver.

Make this year one of the Merriest and Happiest of Holidays,
Hugs